she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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