We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
