Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
