Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's like heaven, but drunker
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
