For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
