You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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