somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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