Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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