where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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