found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
