he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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