worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
