Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
