Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want her autograph on my taint
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
