I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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