who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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