i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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