Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Green mimosas i think yes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
