so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
