I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
