So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
