C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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