you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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