fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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