Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
