remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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