This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
