im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
