i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
