There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
