How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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