Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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