It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
either way he was missing a nipple.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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