**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize