True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
