I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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