Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
