Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
