is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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