I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
