Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
