Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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