You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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