Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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