So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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