I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
