walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Couch. On fire.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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