separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
