Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We have started to decorate penises.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
