Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
