She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
