The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
