Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
