My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
