it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
