I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
