you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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