Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
