Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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