I wannas sexs uuuuu
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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