I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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