So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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