There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
