...so i touched it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
